Zooma Zoom

Today marked the first official day of training for the Zooma Half Marathon. I hadn't planned on running today, but it was so sunny and warm that I couldn't resist. After a great session of intervals on Monday, I was itching to get out and see what I could push myself to do in terms of speed and endurance. In my mind, I decided I'd be happy to sustain a 10:30 pace for the 2-3 miles that I intended to run with Rowan in the jogger. I was so pleased with what I was able to do:

9:55?! And it felt amazing! I think mentally I've finally gotten past the obsession with where I used to be, and I've settled into where I am and how I can continue to improve. This is a nice place to be-- it's about being present, and I love that I can see how much I am able to do when I'm not focused on past accomplishments.

Here is what I have devised as a training plan for the half. I'm sure I will have to be flexible; life at home with a one year old isn't exactly predictable, but I think that most days, I'll be able to stick with it.

My long runs will be on Sundays because it means that I can run with my BFF on the trails, which alleviates boredom and also provides some hilly action to deal with. I am so looking forward to this time each week!

I love that I can still continue with my triathlon training while I incorporate extra running mileage because even though I'm not going to be doing Breezy Point, I found another awesome triathlon in OBX in September to add to my list.

I know I said this in my last post, but I really just can't get over how much better I feel now that I am back to being very active again-- active with a purpose beyond fitness (even though that is very important on its own). I think that is where I started to lose motivation a few years ago. Simply going to the gym with no other reason other than burning calories was not enough for me. I missed this rush, the rush of setting goals and meeting them, of pushing myself physically and mentally, of knowing that I accomplished something pretty awesome.

Shamrock 8k Recap

This is a week late, but I need to talk about how great the Shamrock 8k was!

I look ready to kick some a$$!

The race morning was beautiful and unseasonably warm for mid-March. The sun was peeking over the coastline as I drove into the resort area. I was very nervous for my first race back, but I felt cautiously optimistic. I knew that I had trained enough to make it through the race even if I wasn't going to post my best time. My goal was to simply be present during the race and finish strong.

Oops, excuse the extreme close-up of my finger!

This was also the first longer race or event that I've done all alone. I went to packet pick-up alone, I drove to the race alone alone, stood in line for the bathrooms alone (but I did chat with a really nice lady!), found my corral alone, ran alone, and finished alone... Poor hubby and the kids were stuck driving around looking for a parking spot as I crossed the finish line! That was a very different feeling. I was missing my best friend, the person I've done just about every triathlon, 5k, half-marathon, duathlon with, but it was also an opportunity for me to be courageous and independent, to push myself before and during the race. It was a good experience for me.

I could feel my nerves setting in as each corral started the race, but I tried to keep my breathing even, and I settled into an easy pace. Looking back, I feel like I could have possibly pushed myself a little more, but I was afraid of my breathing getting too tight, and I didn't have my inhaler with me. The first three miles were pretty easy. At mile 3.5, I stopped for water, which was probably a mistake because then I battled a cramp for the next 1.5 miles.

I have to admit, I did stop to walk once because I was getting a bad cramp and starting to feel mentally defeated. Thankfully, an older lady running with an American flag, put her hand on my back, pushed me forward a bit, and told me, "Don't stop! Rock on, girl!" That was all I needed; I thanked her, and I pushed and found my way to the finish line.

Here are my splits from my Garmin. Not my best (I need to stop saying this), but pretty good considering I only trained for about a month or so.

1	10:57.0	1.00	10:57
2	10:45.3	1.00	10:46
3	10:59.3	1.00	11:00
4	11:11.5	1.00	11:12
5	10:45.6	1.00	10:46

I am pleased-- my official race time was 54:29, about 2:30 over my initial goal of 52:00.

For a while, I've been toying with the idea of registering for the Rock and Roll half, but I haven't committed to it because I am not sure how I can get good runs in with the heat of the summer and all three kiddos home all summer. After some encouragement from my friend over at A Balanced Fit today, I decided to forgo the Breezy Point Tri in June (still aiming for the Patriot in September), and instead I registered for the ZOOMA half in Annapolis! 

That gives me just about 10 weeks to get back to half-marathon form, which is very doable.  What's great is that I can still incorporate my triathlon training into this plan, so that I will still be on track for a strong Patriot Sprint in September. 

Just a closing note-- I am so thrilled to be back into training, back into ME again. I've been to the pool twice in the last week, and while it is really challenging swimming again after such a long break, it is empowering. Advice to moms, to anyone? Find what makes you buzz, what makes you feel alive, what makes you feel like YOU, and immerse yourself in it. There is nothing else like it.

Trust

Today marks the week anniversary of my new journey of being a stay at home mom. I've avoided posting for the past week because I wanted to settle into my new reality without overthinking things too much, which I tend to do when I write. Sometimes that's good. This past week, though, I just wanted to focus on the transition from being working mom to just being mom.

It's been a great transition, and Hubby has commented that I seem more at ease, calmer. I've found such a sense of fulfillment and peace (yes, already!) in caring for my family. I said to someone yesterday, "I've finally found what I want to be when I grow up!"

Reflecting on the past week has gotten me thinking about trust. Trusting in my decision-making. Trusting that even though this was a huge life change, which I fretted about for many months, I knew in my heart the right decision to make. And now that I am a week in, I can say without a doubt that it was. What I'd like to learn to do more readily is to trust before I have the proof. To believe the whispers of my heart more immediately, rather than questioning everything endlessly. To live courageously. And most importantly to share this outlook with my children.

This kind of trust goes hand-in-hand with presence. Through my ramblings with the Buddhist faith, several years ago, I learned this:

Consider the trees which allow the birds to perch and fly away without either inviting them to stay or desiring them never to depart.

To me this is the very definition of presence. Use any metaphor you want here for the birds and you can put this idea into practice for living in the moment. Living in the moment and being present requires trust. Trust that everything is in perfect order. Just as it is. I've posted before about having no regrets, and this is why, this is one of those great practices that I found in my journey that I can apply wherever I am in my life.

How can I look at this and not think everything is in perfect order?

So how else am I practicing trust and presence? In my training. My last post talked about my struggles with being present in this venue. I've done much better this week. I'm working on trusting my body to do what it can do right now. Today I ran 3.5 miles, and I ended up walking part of mile 2-3 because I was going head into 20ish mph winds. Instead of getting frustrated with myself and the weather, I just walked until I felt I was able to run again. And then I ran the last mile and finished strong.

Mile 1: 10:48
Mile 2: 11:23
Mile 3: 12:37
Last .5: 11:12

I'm trusting the process of building towards the 8k in about a week. When I get there, I'll run the best race that I can run, and I will celebrate another small victory. Then I will reset and look towards Breezy Point Tri in June.

Some wisdom from my Lululemon bag. I love every one of these!

Presence in Another Venue

I've posted quite a bit recently about presence. My one word. My focus for 2012. I've talked about presence at work, presence at home, and presence with the kids. I've been practicing my Momfulness meditations that focus on presence. I've definitely made some progress.

However, I realized this week that even with all of this practice and focus, I've completely lost being present in what is an important part of my life again. Running, training, getting back on track to triathlon in June and September and to run an 8k in a few weeks and possibly a half marathon in the fall. One of my Facebook friends posted a link to the most wonderful post at another runner mother. She talks about staging a comeback and how much true strength it takes to not go "balls to the wall" in the first few weeks back into training.

Oops. Yes, even though I know better and even though I have promised myself otherwise, I have gone a bit overboard, and I had to acknowledge this twice this week. On Tuesday morning when I could barely walk because of an intense leg workout I did on Monday. And then again yesterday (with still sore legs) when after pushing myself to run a mile in 10:16 with Rowan in the jogger, I totally burned out and could only run/walk mile two in 12:06.

It hasn't helped that yesterday I dug around and found old race times online. It hurt my ego to see that in 2008 at the Yorktown Triathlon, I ran my 5k at a 9:48 pace... after a solid 650 meter swim time and 12 mile bike time.

The beginning of the run during the Yorktown Tri, 2008

Needless to say, I felt very defeated and discouraged last night. I'm in a hurry to get back to where I was. And another runner mother is so right when she says that that you just can't pick up where you left off, which I know, but I also need to acknowledge to myself that I also won't get there in 4 weeks, either.

None of this fretting and comparing is accepting where I am right now. It isn't being present with my current fitness level, with my body's capabilities, with my mental strength. None of this is being present with the progress I have made in the last four weeks. I haven't been enjoying these moments of training, breathing them in, and staying present. I've only been able to focus on the person I was and what she could do four years ago, not the person I am now: slightly slower, a little older, but definitely smarter. Smart enough to know that I need to slow down and realize that I will get there again, to know that it's okay that I'm just not there yet. It doesn't make me less of a person, less of an athlete. It takes so much more mental strength to control your impulse to push yourself too far beyond where you are. It's a slow, building burn that is needed here in training, not a big explosion.

Funny that this resonates with my post from last week-- it's the small things, the small victories that I need to recognize and celebrate here, too.

So let me celebrate where I am right now.

In the past 4 weeks...
I've averaged 4-5 workouts a week.
I've shaved 2 minutes off of my 5k time when running solo.
I can run 2 miles consistently while pushing Rowan in the jogger (except for yesterday...).
Even though I died afterwards, I ran a 10:16 mile with Rowan in the jogger.

And you know what? That has to be good enough for me right now. It's the best that I can do with where I am. I will make improvements as I continue to train, but I need to do so smartly.  Otherwise I know I risk burnout and injury, so I'm taking a break tomorrow and probably Saturday, too. Maybe I'll throw in some light Pilates or yoga (part of my 40 day goal challenge!) to stretch my muscles and to practice being present.

I know from before that this is a wonderful journey. Pushing myself both mentally and physically and feeling the joy that comes from each success. I don't want to miss it by being too preoccupied with the end result.

Finding Me

I've posted before about the dramatic effects having a baby has on your self-image, your entire sense of self. Lately, I have been feeling this pretty intensely. I'm not sure if my focus on being present has allowed me to recognize these feelings or if it is simply time for me to do something about it.

Since brown baby's arrival, I've been running off and on, and I love it, but I have either been too tired, too busy or too stressed about taking the time away from the family to run consistently. I have totally lacked motivation, and that is pretty foreign to me because I was at one point a workout whore (my self-titled nickname!).  I have been feeling pretty nostalgic for those days lately. I was so confident and felt so good about how I looked and the clothes that I wore.  I know I've done a pretty decent job in losing the baby weight, but I'm still about 15 pounds away from where I was back in those days.  And about 5 pounds away from where I was right before getting pregnant.

Last week I decided it was time to get serious and really work at finding me again. I know that having a baby redefines you. And this redefinition takes time, too. I'm so incredibly happy and fulfilled by our family, and there are also some big changes coming up that really speak to my heart, too (stay tuned!). The process of redefinition is powerful, and I know that thanks to little Rowan, I am a much better mother to all of my children because I am learning to be so much more in tune to who I am, both as a mother and a person.

I'm so glad I started to reread and rework through my Momfulness book, too, because I really believe I am able to come to many of these understandings through practicing being present and being open to both what I need and what my family needs. I love that I'm taking it slowly through the book this time, rather than speed-reading through it and not really making it a practice.

But let's get back to the point of this post! I've committed to training for two triathlons this year, and I am so incredibly excited at the thought. I'm not sure where in the past four years I lost my motivation for being a "workout whore," but I'm welcoming her back with open arms. I feel like I've rediscovered a part of myself. The part that had gotten lost in the excitement of a new relationship, the frustration of a knee and foot injury, the distraction of pregnancy, and the elation and exhaustion of new motherhood is emerging again. The newness of her presence is pushing me to happily train and train hard. To run faster, bike harder. To look forward to swimming again, to feel cold water envelop me and to welcome the burn in my arms.  I want to raise a banner over me that says, "Finally! Welcome back! (And please don't stay away for so long again!)"

So here's to a renewal of fitness, of health, of ME. My first event will be Breezy Point on June 3rd (which was my first tri ever) and the second will be the Patriot Sprint on September 9th. I'm also planning to do some short running races, too.

I can't wait to have my race number scrawled on my arm again!