Sunday, April 15, 2012

Finding My Groove

A few weeks back, my friend Kristy commented on my Facebook status about swimming that I had found my groove. I've been wanting to get to this post since!

Her comment really resonated with me because it is exactly how I've been feeling in so many parts of my life. It's been a little over a month since I've been a stay at home mom. Rowan and the boys and I are really enjoying this new adventure. I'm learning what will work best for our family, and I'm really enjoying finding a less stressed, more satisfied part of myself emerging.

What I've loved experiencing and what has happened more naturally since I stopped forcing an outcome and instead have stayed present, is training. I still have moments of obsessing and fretting about performance, but I'm starting to fall back in love with the process, and that is an awesome place to be. Because not only am I making positive changes physically, I'm finding more confidence in just being, too. That is what has been missing, what has slowly waned over time as I have fumbled to adjust to the many changes life has brought.

I did something this weekend that was huge for me. I stepped out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. And though this seems like such a simple thing, for an introvert like me, it was a challenge. My friend Kristy and I have been lucky to keep in touch with each other through Facebook, but we haven't seen each other since high school... 15 years ago! We both are moms, we both run, we both blog- we have a lot in common, so it seemed to be a great idea to run together. I invited her on a long run, and as I drive to the park, I had what she called first date jitters. I was nervous about running with someone new. I wondered if I'd be good enough. I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to talk about. I was anxious to see someone after so long. I wondered about a million things that all made me question my decision and attempted to thwart my confidence.

Again I learned a lesson about trust. Trusting in the choices I make and trusting in who I am. It was a fabulous run and it was great to talk in person finally! There really isn't anything like running with someone- she put it best, so I'll steal it- it is therapeutic. You chat at times and then sometimes there is nothing other than the rhythmic sound of your feet on the trail. I love that there was no competition. We just set out and run. It was nonthreatening. And for someone who wants to constantly compare herself to her old self and to others, yesterday was an amazing experience with being present. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities and stayed in my groove!

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